I have moved on.

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"Gaga explained in the interview, which will air on DeGeneres' daytime show this afternoon, that the meat dress was tied to her protest against the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy and was a statement against the governmental restrictions placed on the rights of gay soldiers."

SOURCE


(It looked pretty though...)

I took three days off for packing, cleaning et cetera. Halfway through day one and I'm as good as done. I'm not actually moving until Saturday, so this gives me two whole days of doing absolutely nothing!

Another condition to add to the list.

I have had some experience with sleep paralysis in the past, but not for at least the last five years. Until recently, that is. The past few weeks I have found myself waking up, eyelids closed, unable to move or speak. And even though I know the physical reason behind it, I get that feeling of panic every time it happens. I've had it happen up to at least five times a night a couple of times, up to the point where I was almost afraid of going back to sleep.
I am pretty sure that this is stress related and I also know that it will pass, but it sure isn't helping me feel SuperDuperCrazyAwesome!

I'm just tired of feeling bad about myself, worrying about my (mental) health, solving one problem just to have three new ones just around the corner, caring for others and, most of all, keeping up that damned wall. That damned, fucking, stupid, ridiculous, ugly, unnecessary wall!

I have a doctor's appointment next Wednesday.

I really should see a doctor.

I've been having panic attacks. No, let me rephrase that. I've had ONE real, full-blown panic attack, on 13 July this year. After that I´ve gotten real close a couple of times, but I´ve managed to keep my cool one way or the other. It seems connected to crowds. Since I was in the middle of a very big crowd when the first attack happened (followed by two hours at First Aid, a trip in the ambulance and another two hours in the hospital), and now it seems like every time I encounter big(ger) masses (it happened on Gay Pride and - more recently - SAIL) of people I start getting afraid of it happening again which, in fact, kickstarts the entire thing. It seems weird, being afraid of being afraid. But I really don't know how to stop it from happening.

I don't want to go see a doctor, even though I know I should. I don't want to be diagnosed psychologically not okay. The physical I can deal with: it's pain and it has to go away. Simple as that. But crossing the boundary towards the mental? I don't know if I can deal with it. Stupid as it sounds, it'd feel like admitting defeat. I have always been the happy-go-lucky type. No worries, not letting stuff get to me and always seeing the positive in things. I don't want to have to medicate myself to feel good, but I also don't want to avoid gatherings in fear of having another attack.

It already took a lot to admit to myself that I have a problem. I'm working on admitting that I need help. I suppose the next step would be seeking that help, right?

I admit. I'm an addict. I cannot stop reading Fables.
Imagine all your favourite (and not so favourite) folk- and fairytale characters revisited and redefned, living in New York City because they were forced to leave their fairytale homeland, taken over by a crazy madman.
Although this premise has the makings of an excellent comedy, Fables is not that. It is a very well written story, filled with surprise plot shockers and blood chilling moments. If you're at all interested in comics, fairy tales or just awesome writing in general, READ IT!

( P.S. Simon misses you... )

I'll start moving into my new appartment in ten days. I better start packing.

Two weeks until I move and the friend who I'm supposed to be sharing the new appartment with calls me. He and his boyfriend are going to give it another try.

Oops. Ouch.

But then he tells me, he would like to keep his room in the appartment as a back up plan, just in case, for at least six months. And he will still be paying the rent. Basically this means I will be living all alone in this huge appartment, but will still only be paying half of the rent. Not a bad deal for yours truly!

( And now for something totally different )

If one wants to sound at least somewhat coherently, one should not drink and post. Oh well.

Exactly three weeks from now I'll be moving into a new appartment. A very nice and big appartment, to be exact! It's a two bedroom appartment, divided into two floors! Got a a nice big ass bathroom with a bathtub AND a shower, a nice spacious living room, two balconies and another small room that I might change into a guestroom. Oh, and did I mention the two WALK-IN-CLOSETS?!

I am so lucky to have found this place! I'll share pictures as soon as I am all settled in!

It's like my life is being turned upside down, what with the graphic novel, the new place and another nifty little (big!) project which I will share more about later on. I am more than happy to leave the past few not so pretty weeks behind me and start making my life beautiful again!

Oh my God, I finished it. I just wrote my very first full graphic novel! And yes, it's a pretty good story if I may say so myself!

And what's even more exciting: I'm meeting up with an artist next week to discuss the exact style and look of it all and to start storyboarding. Wow! To be continued!

"Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples. Because California has no interest in discriminating against gay men and lesbians, and because Proposition 8 prevents California from fulfilling its constituional obligation to provide marriages on an equal basis, the court concludes that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional."

I'm not sure if it was the full moon, the copious amounts of alcohol and/or drugs, the awesome company, the fact that it lasted Thursday-Monday or a combination of any of these, but last weekend was definitely an OMGBESTWEEKENDEVER weekend!

Short recap: Watched The Netherlands beat Cameroon Thursday night in Club AIR, made an awesome-if-I-may-say-so-myself risotto on Friday, after which I met up in town with the boys for an excellent night of debauchery, afterpartied until eight in the morning after which I finally went home for some well-deservied sleep.
Went over to Victoria's place Saturday afternoon and enjoyed the sun in her garden, followed by the Westerpark. Then I took my business to Vondelpark for a barbecue with my friends. Quickly had some coffee at D.'s place before heading to Club 8 for UNK. Afterwards another crazy afterparty on E at my place, then another afterparty ay Trouw. I went to bed at 10.30 in the morning.

Sunday I took it easy. Spent the day at the park, then had yummy cheese fondue at Gollem and went to bed around ten in the evening.
Monday the Netherlands played Slovakia, so we all gathered at Coco's Outback to watch the match at their terrace. After this me and Victoria enjoyed some Burger King at Museumplein and made it an early night.

As for the future: Friday I'll be watching Netherlands v Brazil, haven't decided where yet. After that I will hop on the train to Cologne for Christopher Street Day, with the boys. Should be fun. I've never been to a Gay Pride event anywhere else but Amsterdam before, so I'm curious and excited.

...has found a new home on ( my leg! )

I had a dream that I was getting my tattoo done last night. Only it turned out that the guy doing it was actually drawing a random shape on my arm and colouring it in, after which he told me to walk around with that for a week and if I still liked it then, I could make a new appointment. He was very cute though, so I forgave him. Then me and Marco went for ice cream and talked about the war in Portugal. Again: wtf?

Last Saturday, Diederik and I celebrated our ten year anniversary as friends and the ten year anniversary of us being out of the closet. What an awesome fest! Since the weather was great, we partied in the park until deep into the night, after which we continued the party at M.U.L.T.I.S.E.X.I., of which I'll admit I don't remember very much...

I extended my two week vacation to three weeks; a decision I'm still very much not regretting! Ten more days until the fun begins!

Also, I want to go out and have a beer tonight but all my friends are lame and boring!

I'm desperately looking for an appartment. So far I've got two possible maybes, but a certain would be so much better.

The boys and I are going to Cologne next month for Gay Pride. This should be a hell of a trip. I'm very excited and can't wait!

Last week I celebrated being out of the closet for exactly ten years. It was a good night, filled with tequila, beer and events I don't fully remember.

Ten more days until the FIFA World Cup begins, another thing I can't wait for. I predict a finale between France and Spain, with the latter winning.

My friend Mark entered a photo contest and the winner gets his or her pictures included in an exhibit in Foam, the Amsterdam's biggest photography gallery. One of the pictures is one of me, so do vote!

I rexcently realized I make a helluva good spaghetti carbonara.

Party Monster is playing at the Pathé Theatre tomorrow. One time only, I am so going to be there!

I haven't had sex in two months.

I'm finally getting a tattoo! I've got an appointment with Henk Schiffmacher - Holland's most famous tattoo artist - next week. As soon as it's done, I'll share some pictures.

I haven't posted in forever and the last thing I wrote about was being rather sick. But don't be alarmed, I haven't died!

A couple of days after the doctor told me to stop my medication I was still running a 39.5C fever, didn't sleep one bit, only ate yoghurt, and to add to that my throat hurt like hell and I had a rash ALL OVER MY BODY! Went back to the doctor's office and he prescribed me some antibiotics for my throat and sent me to the lab to get my blood tested. Two days later, my throat infection actually was strep throat. That combined with the rash, not sleeping and not eating led to the diagnosis that I had scarlet fever. Yeah. New medication again, but one week later it was all gone.

It took me a while to get my energy back and I still can't eat as much as I used to (which is not necessarily a bad thing...) but other than that I'm totally healthy again!

Because I had been feeling some pain in the past couple of days, I decided to pay my doctor a visit Thursday morning. Turns out I have kidney stones. Great! Apparently they're still rather small, so I should be passing them out anytime soon.
I'm on medication in the meanwhile, painkillers and anti-inflammatory medicine. And it feels like I'm experiencing every side effect simultaneously. I'm groggy, tired, slow, my skin is hypersensitive, I go from feeling extremely hot to shivering cold.

Yeah, good times. But it's all for a good cause, so I just keep taking those pills. Only a couple more days and it will all be in the past. I can hardly wait!

( Move along, nothing to see here! )

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